Don't know if you are familiar with the Bio-Social Theory....it's been applied to BPD, but it applies everyone's personalities (that which we carry with us making up how we relate to the world around us).

We are made up from our genes which are passed down through the generations & our social environment, the people/family we were around from the time of birth. I know that my lack of being spontaneous came from the fact that my father was serious....never remember him having a sense of humor....lost his mother to cancer when he was in high school & he was the one caring for her the complete time & then, off to WWII in Austria & Germany. My Mother wasn't much different than he was....grew up not being able to see well needing glasses because of undeveloped eyes at birth & once they finally realized that she wasn't just stupid & lazy & realized she could't see & needed glasses......came all the comments that were normal in those days, but not much better even now.

Yes, it's the genes from way back in our families that are passed on along with each generation is effected socially & passes that down the line also.

Not sure there is really much point to thinking back farther than that because heaven knows, just the last few generations are enough to really screw things up in us. It's well studied that BP is a genetic MI that is passed down from generation to generation....it's just that some of the past generations they didn't have the knowledge to Dx it....but that didn't mean it wasn't there.

My logical mind realizes that it doesn't matter much what happened before the last handfull of generations because that thinking takes to to many unproved things effecting us mentally.

The desire to find our purpose in this life is what we were created with, so it's going to be hard to avoid those thoughts. I feel blessed.....because I know the path I am walking along is the path of my purpose.....but I understand how if felt to be searching. At first I thought that purpose was the career I got my degree for & aimed my whole life after, but found that wasn't the case. I am just thankful that I have finally found my happiness.....but even with my happiness, it's on a more serious note....not all laughter & fun, but it is enjoyable & peaceful most of the time even when struggling with the irritations around me.

My environment has a lot to do with how I am finally feeling....I am thankful that my depression was situational & not genetic/chemical. I was able to get away from what was causing me the most trouble in my life & that opened so many doors & windows to see so much more of life that I was really surrounded by.

Think many times we can think way too deep.....sort of like being deep in the forest & can't see the forest for the trees.