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Originally Posted by SophiaG
Ever since a breakup almost 2 years ago a part of me feels dead inside.
Like, I can't care about people anymore. I mean, I have tried but it doesn't feel the same anymore. I can say I love a person, and then feel fine two days later after we break up. I cannot form longlasting bonds with people anymore (this isn't just limited to romantic interests) and people seem to drift in and out of my life, and I don't care.
I know that isn't how it should be. I tried telling my best friend how I felt, and it upset her and she took it to mean that I had lied to her about caring about her throughout our entire friendship. Then she left and I haven't heard from her since.
This feeling of deadness, blankness, a wall if you will, feels like something that has become a part of my personality. It's not offensive, more defensive. Maybe it's neither offensive or defensive, it just is.
Could anyone offer me any insight into this?
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I took psych meds most of my life and know just how you feel. I discovered recently that my disconnection was created by learning to deal with being invisible. Breaking up is so painful that I don't even think I can address it as a problem. It is a defense I used to deny the hatred I felt for myself. I never made myself any promises and got just what I thought I needed. I am here to tell you that I had to learn to apologize to myself but not for myself. We all do the best we can and advice comes cheap and it is in many ways very destructive because advice usually comes from people who have a different perception about what the person is asking. Hard for the blind to lead the blind. A good counselor does not very often give advice and usually does not take any measure of credit for the patient's progress. The good ones try to help their patient to own the responsibility for their success. I found such a counselor and it took me most of my life to find her. She is a God-send. It is especially hard to learn to seek your own counsel but despite of what you feel, in the end, it IS ALL UP TO YOU. I AM 64 AND IT TOOK ALL OF MY LIFE TO GET WHERE I AM. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I SAID THAT I WOULD NOT WISH THE MEMORIES OF MY LIFE ON MY OWN WORTS ENEMY. After I said that, I realized that that was exactly what I had done because I realized at that moment that I was mo own worst enemy. Now I finally feel that I am my own best friend. Bless you for your courage. I would like to leave thinking that I have passed a little wisdom forward. I wait for your reply.