This seems to be a situation where you first need to sort out and make a decision about whether to stay in your current relationship or end it. You say you love him, but it is actually easy to "love" someone. A number of things you wrote indicate that you don't necessarily "like" some things about him. In a healthy relationship, not only do we love someone, we also like them and the choices and decisions they make.

From my own experience, Not Liking 90% of his family is a big STOP sign. When you marry someone, you marry the whole family (unless you take off and live on some remote island for the rest of your life).

Also, the fact that you do want to see and talk to your ex tells me that you aren't totally, 100% in love and committed to your BF. It tells me that you know there is someone out there who would be a much better match and bring the happiness you really want in to your life. It could turn out that it isn't your ex, but someone you have yet to meet.

I wish you well. I didn't listen and heed the warnings to my wonders/questions/worries the first time around. That marriage ended in divorce.