I finally see my T again on Tuesday, my 2 week mark. Pretty much every day since my last visit I've been seriously struggling to find the will to continue living.

I think about ending it several times a day every day! I feel stuck. I've got appointments to find a job, but I can barely muster the energy just to get up (much less dress up, prepare, and put on a "happy face" ~ the face is really impossible for me to muster!).

It's not just the job thing. It's everything in my life. My girls, my boyfriend, my ongoing medical and psychological issues, self-alienated from my sick family, etc. I really want to end it all!

I know how selfish that sounds to most people. I'm certainly not innocent, so yeah, I guess that my selfishness does along with my wonderful personality ! I really wish that I could arrange things smoothly, to prevent trauma. I sure don't want people to hate me more than they do already! But, these emotions are freakin hell! Can't I get some kind of break already? Please??!

I don't know what to do ~ Miserable is an understatement.

Shez