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Old Feb 13, 2004, 05:53 PM
ErinBear ErinBear is offline
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Member Since: May 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 871
Dear Mary Alice,

I was really upset with myself because I cut myself on Christmas Day and one day in early January as well. When I cut myself on Christmas Day, that was the first time in over ten years. I was really, really upset with myself. On the one hand, I didn't know what else to do with my feelings at that point, and things were a mess. And I still wish I hadn't resorted to cutting. But I did. I was really overwhelmed both times.

I guess what I want to say is that I'm pulling things back together and haven't hurt myself since then, either cutting or hitting. I'm working really hard at it. Even though I slipped up and was upset with myself, the next day afterwards was a new day, and I could start again and begin afresh. I keep working with my counselor and that is helping me also.

I'm sorry for the various frustrations that you had that day. I can see how that would be really overwhelming. The insurance stuff - arrrrgggghh! And it is really hard to want to be in touch with someone important, like one's counselor, and have trouble getting in touch. I hope you can talk with your counselor about that next time.

I'm thinking of you, Mary Alice. And I hope maybe you can give yourself a break about having cut yourself this time, and just start over anew. I know it's really hard to keep yourself safe from cutting, or at least it is for me at various times. The longer I refrain from it, though, the easier it tends to get. And since you kept free from cutting for that long period, even as challenging as it must have been, I bet you can do that again if you want to resume that. Just because you cut once doesn't mean you have to start cutting repetitively again. It just means you....cut one time. If you make it one time.

Hope that makes sense.

Take care,
ErinBear

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