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Sep 25, 2011, 10:33 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 18,089
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This is my third time typing a response to your questions Ygrec. This time I’m writing it in Word before I try to post it. 
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Question: Is there any way of KNOWING, objectively, that one's efforts to "walk in another's shoes" are correct? Are in conformity with the feelings and the facts as seen and experienced by the other person we are trying to understand? How does one test that? Is talking to the person involved sufficient? How do you know that they know what you perceive in them?
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I don’t believe we can ever objectively know what another person experiences. Each of us has a history that influences how we react to events and perceive those events. Personally, I believe we have to ask the other person if our perceptions are right.
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Question: How do T's do this, or try to do this, with their clients? Is this a skill they are taught in T-school? Are all T's equally adept in doing this? Can you flunk out of T-school because this task is beyond you? Can you still have a successful career as a practicing T despite being unable to do this?
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I don’t usually admit to being a T on the boards. Everyone reading this, please remember that I come to PC for the same reasons as you – for support and companionship. I am expressing personal opinions.
Yes, Ts try to practice empathy (walk in their shoes) with clients. Some are better at it than others. We are better at it with some clients than others. Personally, I believe grad school enhances empathy skills the person already has. We are taught ways of better understanding clients. We are taught ways of checking our own empathic response.
Are all equally good at it? Heck no! In my personal opinion, training can enhance latent skills the person already has, but can’t create empathy in someone who doesn’t have some foundation to work from. To me it’s similar to any other skill. Some people can spend their life learning to play the piano, but lacking innate musical skill they become a musical “technician”. They play the notes, but it lacks the feeling of the playing of someone who feels the music, who has the innate connection with music.
Can you flunk out of T school for lacking empathy? Some programs will flunk students they believe are no qualified to be Ts. However, others will not out of fear of being sued by the person they flunk.
Can someone be “successful” as a T without empathy? Guess it depends on how you define “successful”. If you mean able to earn a living, then probably yes. If you mean be effective at helping people, probably no.
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Question: Is it ever really possible to "walk in the shoes of another?" Really? Aren't our efforts, however successful they may be, always falling short of the extent of knowledge implied (at least to me) by that phrase? To what extent, if any, do we all really live our lives in solitude
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Can we actually walk in another’s shoes? Probably not. As I said before each of use filters events through our own history, our own unique set of experiences. I do believe we can develop an understanding of what the other person experiences by asking them and getting feedback.
Do we live in solitude? Yes and no. Each of us lives alone inside our own heads. BUT we can reach out to each other and offer/receive understanding and support. Isn’t that one of the foundations for PC?
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