I can certainly understand (in that it is what I do whenever hurt - I allowed it so it is my fault) how self blame comes to mind - but I do not think you did anything wrong here. The ice queen sounds like an insensitive clod and hopefully your t can straighten her out. Are there no other dbt practitioners out there? I have read a lot about people seeing a dbt therapist and their regular therapist with no mention of having to ditch the regular therapist first. I am sorry you are experiencing this. It seems they(the two therapists) created an unnecessary situation of doubt for you.