|
Its been now one and a half years since I have had anybody irl to call a true friend. Where I live it was once a wonderful place to be. In the heart of the university complex. Its why I decided to buy a home and try to settle here.
There was never a dull moment in terms of meetings and debate about all university subjects. There was so many of us as a team, so so many.
Then the turn of the century happened. We/I/ my partner and best friends celebrated the new century - Big Time.
Then it all changed, first with 9/11. Never did I expect to witness such stuff in my real life. Then the following year I found my best buddy whom I lived with had commited suicide (he was alive when I found him, that was a very very bad time for his family, myself and my partner and all his true friends).
Things did not get any better. In fact things got worse. People went away, drifted apart and we never (except if by chance), saw each other again. Others moved to other countries with work.
Now I find myself alone, the so-called true friend from one and a half years ago obviously was not so true.
Being alone all the time without being able to talk about the fav subjects in life, is like being sentenced to a life sentence in a cell.
The area where I live has changed, the students are targeted by the ones looking for a quick dollar (or pound). Robbery is up so much I am ashamed to call myself human (I am not guilty of that sort of stuff). I do think though that sooooooo many people in this city and else where are not from planet earth. To create so much pain is unforgivable.
All this makes the PTSD I have spent my life (the last 20 years) trying to block out, come flooding back to me.
I never imagined that my beautiful country could become a desert for the devil and wild dog eat dog politics.
I still am waiting to meet a new irl best buddy. I think I may have go find them instead of waiting for them to come to me.
One thing I know for certain is I am lucky to be able to have the chance to fly again. Only if given the chance.
If I dont get out though I will not last long.
I guess I feel like a spring, coiled back ready to burst forward. If the spring breaks though, I am doomed.
One and a half years of not speaking intellectual thought to a real person, face to face; is worse than anything I ever imagined.
I hope any who reads this understands.
Thanks.
|