Today has been horrible. Just want to say **** it all. I've been so depressed. And I am woking on it it so hard. Maybe to hard. I had a good day yesterday. Only to drop ten tines lower today. It's like getting kicked everytime I try to get up. Maybe I need to stop drop and roll ands just lay down. I havnt allowed my sel to cry either, fearin it won't stop or of where my mind will go. I am panicking right now and contemplating some ativan or sleep or something. I am just ranting letting it out. Have no one else to rant to at the moment. I am just tired , sad, mad, I am really really really ****ing smad!! Tomorrow should be fun. I don't want to get up tomorrow. To much to face.

Thanks for listening, Anika

Plus when I tried to talk to my bf his reply was. Maybe you have bipolar. I know he is teasing but wrong time. Confusing over texts so I almost cried then he went to have a nap. And I am left like what the heck. Ughh