What is not up to us? People talk in circles. If there is no free will, our choices are delusions. If there is free will and the fear is losing oneself by choosing to try to get better, do not choose to get better and work on acceptance.

I have no reason to believe in any previous existence. For that I am thankful. Many have told me I am a slow learner in this life. I would feel even more pathetic if I had been through the process one or more times previously without learning anything of substance that has transferred to this reality.