Quote:
Originally Posted by vintageromance
I have abandonment issues. These issues have gotten worse since my dad (whom I've idealized up until last year) was arrested and sentenced to 50 years in prison. After this happened with my dad, I became closer to my husband and he took on a sort of father figure role. I don't see any problem with this except for the fact that things he does tends to trigger my childhood issues.
For example, he likes to have time alone to do other things besides spend time with me, but I always feel abandoned. I know that it's normal and healthy that everyone has time alone, but being left alone triggers me so badly. In my irrational mind, I think... he's leaving me just like my dad left me, (when he was arrested). Now whenever he leaves, I always end up feeling incredibly angry with him. I try to keep it to myself because I know I'm the one who is in the wrong, but it's so hard not to lash out.
What am I supposed to do? I'm currently looking for a therapist - this being one of the main issues I need to discuss with them - but until then, how can I stop feeling so angry and accept that it's normal for people to spend time alone and that it's actually probably unhealthy for two people to spend every waking moment with each other? I don't want my issues to come between my husband and me.  |
what about doing things that you dont need your husband watching over you for like
hobbies, this time of year theres lots of needs for hobby created things for the homeless, low income families, the foster care program.. they are always looking for things that people donate and people to donate their time in helping with things.
doing a hobby is also a great way to pass the time like stamp collecting, rock collecting, coin collection, doll stuff, I bet if you googled the things you like to do theres bound to be a club or group and hobby that centers around that.
maybe your thing is writing, take some or all the time you need for writing now that your husband has found some interests that are separate than yours.
volunteer at community places like schools, libraries, animal shelters, crisis centers and hotlines or anywhere else in your community that is always looking for volunteers.
theres lots of things you can do on your own... to find them think about what things make you happy, what things you like to do. you dont go to work with your husband right most spouses dont go to work with their husbands. now you have time when your husband is there to do some of those things that you do when your husband is working too..
