Quote:
Originally Posted by vintageromance
I have abandonment issues. These issues have gotten worse since my dad (whom I've idealized up until last year) was arrested and sentenced to 50 years in prison. After this happened with my dad, I became closer to my husband and he took on a sort of father figure role. I don't see any problem with this except for the fact that things he does tends to trigger my childhood issues.
For example, he likes to have time alone to do other things besides spend time with me, but I always feel abandoned. I know that it's normal and healthy that everyone has time alone, but being left alone triggers me so badly. In my irrational mind, I think... he's leaving me just like my dad left me, (when he was arrested). Now whenever he leaves, I always end up feeling incredibly angry with him. I try to keep it to myself because I know I'm the one who is in the wrong, but it's so hard not to lash out.
What am I supposed to do? I'm currently looking for a therapist - this being one of the main issues I need to discuss with them - but until then, how can I stop feeling so angry and accept that it's normal for people to spend time alone and that it's actually probably unhealthy for two people to spend every waking moment with each other? I don't want my issues to come between my husband and me.  |
Hi Vintage!
I'm BPD and have dealt/deal with the exact thing you are dealing with right now. My dad was never around when I was younger; schizoaffective addict... not fun. I have a huge fear of abandonment even though it's completely in my head most of the time and has definitely affected my trust, security, and relationships.
My very best advice I can give, coming from the same situation, is to see an imago therapist!!! This type of therapy will help you understand the "why" of your feelings (although you seem to understand them) so you can stop feeling that way. I don't want to by a hypocrite giving you advice when you're feeling upset because he spent time alone, but what's helped me the most is to keep telling myself that he loves me and it's normal to spend time alone. I like my personal time, so they should as well. Main thing though... remind yourself that your insecurities are not his fault; they're a childhood issue that has nothing to do with him. Oh, and BREATHE!
