Okay, so I hate when I get to the "don't want to live" point. Those scare me, I find them irrational and stupid. It is mostly what i call "Veronika moment" (refering to a book by Coelho). I hate when I get down, even very down to "don't want to live" for no reason. It makes me feel like spoiled ungrateful brat. I hate when I lose all my spirit and motivation and turn into whiney emo.

But there are times I am very deep, pondering the sense of life, wishing for end of times and sitting with thoughts black as tar and image dark and decandent... and I find myself enjoying. It is kind of world-woe, when you feel that everything out there is wrong... and I feel enlightened that I see it. It is deep state, but I can be creative. Yes, I am withdrawn and probably even Franz Kafka would not want to hang out with me, because I talk death and how it is sometimes better than life with no purpose, I talk and think of destruction as first step to creation...

does anybody feel the same way? Do you enjoy depression on intellectual level?