Is it the full moon or the holiday? Or perhaps the dark of winter that seems to be lasting forever? I really don't know but seems like this is the week to hurt one's self. Sitting idly just reading the boards and thinking suddenly felt something warm running down my thigh. Earlier to day I had been using a quilter's pin to sort some small glass beads, well I had picked it up and was sticking it into my thigh. I guess i hit a vein cos I had an awful time getting it stopped. What a mess. Even worse I want to do it some more. So here I am posting to keep both hands busy. I hate this, I hate how I feel, I hate how i want to keep poking. I hate how I want to use a knife. I hate that my skirt is full of blood. Just three days and I can see therapist -- could have called her if I had wanted to stay good. But no I have to try and tough it out. Good thing my husband has the weekend off, I would not make it otherwise. Oh who do I think I am kidding?!? The urge gets too strong and who cares who is around? Monday seems a month away.