Brief Update. I am seeing both a pdoc and a tdoc (IC= Individual Counselor). I have been in therapy before, and was treated several years ago by a psych for ADHD and depression. Funny how often that seems to happen to BP2's before they are finally diagnosed, from what I am reading.

I am on Seroquel XR 50mg at night to help me sleep. Over the summer I was down to 2-3 hours of sleep most nights, but couldn't figure out why I couldn't sleep. I kept telling my husband it must just be insomnia from stress. Go figure.

I was started on Lamictal but my initlal liver panel came back with slightly elevated enzymes, so they stopped it and did a new blood draw on Friday. I expected those results yesterday, but since I go to the satellite office they don't always get the results as fast. I should get those results today and if they are going down I will restart titration on the Lamictal.

My therapist basically asked me if I am an alcoholic. The answer is an emphatic NO. I drink socially, and this summer my drinking increased to 6-7 drinks a week. The last month before the episode, I had started drinking a jigger of whiskey on the rocks instead. I do not even LIKE whiskey -- the smell and taste have always made me gag, but somehow I learned to love it that month. Anyway, I have also been training for a 5k (I'm a slow but steady runner, so I don't worry about speed just endurance enough to finish the 3.1 miles) so I was taking green tea extract to help with the running and to help burn some calories since I held on to a lot of weight after my pregnancies. With the miscarriage I had gained about 10 pounds in those 3 or so months, mostly from stress eating I would guess.

Anyway, I read over the weekend that green tea extract can elevate liver enzymes in some people, so I am guessing it was the combo of whiskey and that which elevated my levels. I have not had a drink or taken any green tea since the event, so hopefully I get the go ahead to restart meds today. Obviously, my husband is also anxious for me to restart the meds.
The intrusive thinking has not gone away, though it has settled into a dull roar now that I have removed as many stressful things from my life as I can. I withdrew from school, my husband is waiting to accept a job offer closer to home to get his 2 hour commute down to 20 minutes, and we have pared down my social commitments to the bare minimum. I am focusing on exercising 3 times a week, minimum, and spending quality time with the kids. I also do work from home every afternoon, and until now was also taking care of my youngest while I worked. now he is going to a sitter for those few hours each day so that I can work without that stress.

All of this seems to be helping.

I have also been re-examining my life in light of this diagnosis. Our whole marriage, we have always had the talk that it was a bit of a snare that I never had time to "Sow my oats" before I met and married my husband. I guess I thought that what I was feeling was just frustration at that. Now, I realize I could probably have slept with dozens of people before I met him and it would not have had any effect on the hypersexuality, except perhaps to make it worse because I would have removed the small boundaries and defenses I have been able to keep in place to keep myself in check.

Adding intense stress and a massive quantity of alcohol to the mix that one night knocked those barriers down flat and led to the biggest mistake of my life.

My goal now is just to see that those barriers are re-erected and reinforced more effectively. Knowledge is power, right. Or is it just wishful thinking to think that knowing what I am dealing with will help me to resist it better... I don't really know. My husband is afraid that the meds won't help with this issue, because he works with a woman with BP2 who has an open marriage due to her inability to control her hypersexuality. I guess it was their way of coping, but that's not something either my husband or I feel we could live with. (Even though I did ask him about it in a general way over the summer. My trying to find a way to merge the fact that I love and want to be with him with the overwhelming desire to act out on my impulses.)

Anyone else here with issues with the destructive power of hypersexuality who has been able to control it, either with meds or with cognitive therapy, who would care to share, I would be interested to know either on the board or via PM. Thank you.