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Open Eyes · 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I wasn't sure which forum to post this in because it could go in so many different ones. Mods, please move if you deem appropriate...

It's hard for me to ask for help. In my world view I'm supposed to be the "strong" one. Heck I'm a professional helper.

I'm having a rough go of it. There's not really anything anyone else can do... well it will help if y'all listen.

This weekend is the second anniversary of Mom's death. That's stirred up all sorts of stuff. Two years and I still miss her. There are still times I think of picking up the phone and calling her to tell her about something I saw/heard. She was my mom and my best friend. I miss her like crazy.

Add to that my fibro has been flaring for the last three weeks. I'm exhausted and in pain. My life has narrowed to getting up going to work, driving home and crashing until it's time to get up and go to work again. This is not living. It's existing.

I want to just crawl in a hole and hide for awhile. I had asked for tomorrow (Mom's anniversary) off from work. Then I stupidly scheduled appointments with clients. Instead of staying home taking care of myself I'll be at work taking care of other people.

a, this is turning into a pity party....enough...

((((((Lizardlady))))))),
This is not a pitty pot, your are not weak, and you should reschedule those appointments and take the time to grieve your mother and also reflect on how she added so much to your life, how truely lucky you were to have such a presence in your life. And in your heart as the time grows near where the reality of that physical presence finally breaking away from your life became a reality that was very hard on you, taking time to honor that presence is paramont. You have every right to take time out to show your respect and honor that person that was so important in your life in whatever way you can.

And if you think about what you do, take care of others, that is one thing your mother instilled in you and every time you do that, you are, in a way honoring her life and presence as a human being.

In your heart, your mother placed an experience of what it feels like to be loved and cherished as not only a child, but a friend and a human being that deserved respect. So, in many ways, you are your mother's child, you did learn well and she did place one person out in this world to offer that special gift needed by so many.

Perhaps you need to remember her and honor her by truely remembering her contribution to the world by loving you. It is sad that she can no longer be at your side in a physical sense, but fear not, she truely remains in your heart and in so many ways you pay homage to her every day.

And you truely deserve to take time to grieve the loss of her physical presence in your life. And as that time comes close and it really hasn't been that long since she left your side, it is very understandable that you feel that loss, not only for yourself, but for all of those she touched. But always remember that through you, she has reached beyond her physical presence to continue to reach out and share her true talent for compassion and unconditional love.

So, if, for some reason you cannot change the scheduled appointments. As each person sits across from you, remember that you ARE ACTUALLY PAYING HOMAGE TO THAT WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO SO TOUCHED YOUR SOUL. Because, if you really think about it, that is what you do every day as you reach out to others in your own special way.

Open Eyes