Just an update...I went and saw the other DBT therapist. He was much better, but basically said the same thing that I needed extensive DBT work and needed to leave my T to do it. Then I came home and got a call from a lady with my insurance company that is a DBT fan, and she read me the riot act about how "I can't jump off the high dive and change my life if I'm still holding my T's hand" and "maybe when I hit bottom" I'll make a change and stop going in and out of the hospitals (twice!). I felt so much shame and frustration I thought I was going to blow. Then she talks down to me with "her TAKE" on BPD and how I'm desperate and act this way or that, and I'm like, but I don't do that...and she wants to hang up on me and go pray for me.

Then met with my T this morning, and he is NOT happy that they are saying that I just have to cut it off with him. He feels at least we should be able to taper off and let him support me through the change as I am also being weaned off my anti-depressants and am in a bad place. He said he would never just stop therapy like this with any of his patients that it is just wrong to do that. I feel like all the "adults" in my life are fighting, and I just want to run away. I just balled in his office this morning and was having some bad associations with some other losses in my life, which of course, I didn't put together until I got back home.

It's just too overwhelming, and this DBT guy's new group starts in like 2 weeks, so I need to make a decision. My T is going to try and talk to new DBT T. Everyone is talking to me differently and suddenly trying to make me fit this BPD "mold", and it's like they're now WAITING for me to blow up or lose 50 IQ points or suddenly change my world view or something and lose all common sense. Everything is upside down, and I just feel sick.

I think the DBT is a good idea in a lot of ways, and I know that's what T wanted originally, but even he didn't realize the extent of it all...This is all so very scary and hard to think through and is such a huge change and potential loss of the only person I really trust in my life. How do I find the courage to do this?

I did read and appreciate your replies very much... Maybe I am too sensitive, and I've been trying to do some things for self-care, but I know I'm not where I need to be with it right now... I appreciate the support you have offered and want to think that DBT will be warm, but right now if feels cold and remote and like I'm going to be terribly alone again. I know I have to learn how to fix myself and take care of my own needs for support, but I'm scared. I'm trying really, really hard to think it through logically though. And I do see the benefits, and I liked the DBT skills group I went to before, even though it was just for a short time, so that is working in its favour.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated...
WB