I have the same fears.. and I don't know the answer; but with time in my relationship & ever patient husband it seems to be very slowly calming down. The trust bank is building. Mostly probably because we are honest & are luckily able to talk (even about our worst fears & even of not feeling loving towards each other). I have only lately begun to feel a distinction between my fears (with long ago roots) and the actual present moment with people who are actually very nice and caring. With my issues I know that I don't trust people -- don't trust my husband, don't trust my family. They are the closest people in the world to me but I have difficulty feeling their love or loving them (in the true, free sense) which is sad. But I know now that the inability to trust is something that is inherent in me.. and not to do with them out there. And I know that I really want to love properly & to allow that love in. So as difficult as that is for me to allow, I need to let it. So am slowly just letting myself accept who I am & deal with that knowledge in order to separate these two worlds (my inner vs the rest of the world outer) and hopefully stop my acting out (lashing out) with my fears. Because the outer world is not as scarey as my inner world makes me believe that it is. Learning that has been good. Poking my head out of that inner world & feeling the distinction between me & my fears, vs normal nice caring people was a big step. I use to think my inner world was the outer world, but it's not. I'm sorry I'm probably not of any help.. but feel with you & send hugs.