Thank you both above. I makes me cry that there are members at PC paying attention to things I post. I am sorry to sound so pathetic.

My care is at a teaching hospital, so in the summer my pdoc got rotated to somewhere else and a new pdoc was assigned to me. She has canceled a few appointments, so I only saw her once and it's a few weeks until my next appointment. So I've gone a long time with no contact with any professional. There is psych urgent care, but they just don't do anything. It's done by an advanced practice nurse.

I think I was on abilify once and not helped by it. It might be worth trying it again.

Twice I was diagnosed Bipolar and then undiagnosed by subsequent providers. My diagnosis now is major depressive disorder. The pdoc who first said I was bipolar had known me over a period of 6 years. He certainly knew me the best. I didn't want to believe that. I have never wanted to believe that I was bipolar, because I had my own theory of my problems. I don't get manic, but I certainly do get hypomanic. I like that state very much, except for the tension I feel.

I want to ask the doctor and her supervisors to reconsider my diagnosis. This is a terrible way to suffer. Two weekends ago I went into being really "up" and I thought life was so beautiful. 5 days ago, I came tumbling down, and I've gotten worse. Today is bad. I have terrible anxiety.

I've been reading posts by bipolar members and researching what I can and I took some tests that I downloaded. The tests come out with strong likelihood of bipolar. On the tests, I tried to be very conservative in my answers and not overrate any bipolar tendencies that I have. The tests still came out very suggestive of bipolar. I know diagnosis is difficult, but I need better help than I'm getting. I had a parent with no diagnosis, but with severe mood swings than anybody could spot as bizarre. I am reading that there is apt to be a strong genetic factor. I would be the fourth generation of severe unstable mood. My great-grandfather died in a state psychiatric hospital.

I really don't think they are going to listen to me, partly because it's really rushed over there and I don't think they will take the time to get good feedback and then consider it. My suspicion is that I am bipolar type 2. I have never had full-blown mania. I get this state of mind that I have always called "being on a roll." It's way better than my basic neutral state of mind. People even notice it. I feel good and can get much done.

What I'm hearing is that the price of the "up" state is the depression, which, in my case, is really bad. Also, my anxiety can be severe.

Thank you for your posts. I moved far from where I was born and have little support.