but if there is no purpose... than why? I am too intelligent and I guess too spiritual for mindless hedonism and for chasing materialistic pursuits.

I have moments when I am alive and it between... I am either sad/blue, or there is just nothing. Maybe numbness. Emptiness. Or plain boredom? Maybe that is normal not to feel much and just live away.

Why just can't I be able to enjoy the... things in life for longer? What more do I want from life?