Sorry I have been not very supportive since my folks had their wreck.
My inner life took a big hit emotionally. Add to that a very rotten work life. Toss if my best friend looses her job and may have to move back to the other side of the state to live with her folks if she can't get a job by December... Well the bottom line is I was litterally at the very end of my rope.

As always, my T has been right here for me the whole time. He was in training and still here for me. It was good to know I was not alone even when I felt alone.

Session today was... amazing. It was VERY hard. T gave me a double session with EMDR. He is VERY good at it! We had not done this before. But it really helped me move into one of my deeper issues with an alter who has been very hidden from me. It is/was the highly active suicidal part. In fact, that part was so active that I seriously worried that my T would have to get me hospitalized at the end of session today once he knew just how dangerous this past week was for me and just how intense the agony was that part was holding.

Bottom line is I NEEDED my T to be with me through this and to find some way to help me. I was fighting to stay conscious today without total dissociation and barely remember walking into the office to see T. But I do remember plopping down on the couch and saying something like "Please FIX ME!!"

I had to have it or I knew I was in serious big trouble. And he was there. And he did help fix me.

I have a massive headache right now. But I knew that would come with the work, so that is fine. But I feel so different inside. It feels ... just so so different. I know I still have serious work to do. But this work today was like an olympic sporting event.

I get to see my T again Thursday and that according to our pattern should be a more relaxed session just making sure all this is still ok. I feel good right now and it was amazing because I litterally walked out thinking for the first time in my life that there was HOPE that one day I would actually FEEL healed enough to not NEED to see my T so much. Just that feeling was amazing to have! I love my T and would see him every day if I could! LOL. But I love my independence and want to feel that sense of internal freedom I know I can have. Before therapy, I had that but it was because anything that touched my heart was quickly shuffled into a corner and away from the real me.

Today T touched the real parts of me where "I" live. Where the REAL I lives.