(((Lovebirdsflying)))))

Hankster is pretty accurate about ingrained negetive messages as well as deep desires to do things where other individuals can't find a way to posses us somehow or find fault, order us around.

I completely understand how you get triggered when people treat you as if you are mindless or cant perform a task without being told. And often we have these triggers like this and it does come from working around being degraded in someway in our past. And often it can come from never truely feeling appreciated as well. It can also come from the fact that when you do things, its just your job and not your choice. For example, you have a clean house and it is important to you, but it is also work and inside, if you don't get it done you feel guilty yourself, but when someone
also points at it it can make you flare up.

Often, and I noticed this in myself as well, we can devise or own internal value system and we do try to stay with that system and as we do we feel satisfied. And we also individually like to feel like we have our own free will in these things that we like to accomplish in our routines. But when someone else starts to take over and step into our own space and freedom of determining or task priorities, it takes that personal sense of structure away. And much of that is that we like to be in charge and often we are our own tough task masters. And I think that we tend to push ourselves already for a kind of perfection and even personal criticism about what we need to get done. And when other people step in and start to order, it really is personal.

One of my pet peeves is when I have had a busy day and I do a lot of things, but I dont get every little thing done. Then my husband or someone comes along and they don't see all the things I DID do, they just point to what didn't get done. And that always upsets me. Does that ever happen to you?

And I am at the point where, ok, ****you, I am going to just do what I want to do.
But even when I do that and don't pressure myself things are pointed out that I didn't get done.

Now as far as these triggers go, it is important to really think about how you allow these behaviors in others to effect you. Instead of allowing it to make you feel stupid, the reality is that the person who makes the unnecessary statements IS THE ONE WHO IS STUPID. For example for the helium balloon, that was not really because you are stupid, it may have been something that other person had to realize, and it also may have been something else someone else didn't get. So, people who make these simple directions for the obvious often do it out of habit. They are often the ones that need to either mentally remind themselves or feel a need to constantly cover all the bases and recite things that need to get done.
So, in many ways what they are saying about themselves is not that your stupid, but they need to internally remind and state things because they are often forgetful or judge themselves poorly or it could just be on their habitual task list and just doesn't have anything to do with you.

And the only other way that you can prevent this in your home surroundings is to actually have a sit down talk and have a list that you and your husband make up of how to respect personal boundaries. And your actually going to write his issues, things that you might say that upset him, because everyone has these little triggers. And that way you can put that list up somewhere and work at it. And at least you know it is there and so does the other person, so that way it is no longer a kind of hidden mind game.

Your not alone in these little pet peeves.

Open Eyes