Quote:
Originally Posted by Zelev
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have so many issues it would take years to fix me. I've managed to completely isolate myself.
It's so uncomfortable talking to my family. I really think I hate my mother 90% of the time. I'm too old to not have a single friend. If I died there would be no best friend, no co-worker who thought I was a contribution to the company, etc.
I'm past the point of caring. I don't want to do anything. Just be by myself and dream about what my life could or should be like. I want to break out and be different but I feel like my family has put me in this spot. I can't stop being the person they expect me to be.
I have a brother who moved to another state and just cut off everyone. He talks to people when he wants but will ignore everyone when he doesn't want to be bothered. He is financially secure independent. People in the family are always calling him for help even though he hasn't done anything for them in years.
On the other hand I'm always doing stuff I don't want to do to please others. Many times they don't ask me to be self sacrificial or appreciate it even if they did ask. I do it anyway.
Now I just want to be left alone but I'm lonely. Does that make any sense?
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OMG!!!! Your post sounds like me!! What am I doing? Sometimes I just want to smoke (tobacco) myself to death. But I quit smoking in May and I am in the world of the living. Seeing a counselor (again) here on the Internet (again) taking meds (just started taking them again) going for walks, bicylce rides, visiting museums (again) seeing my brothers sporadically, my sister not at all, and my parents are dead. They were abusive to me, moreso than to my siblings. When my sibs talk about my parents it's as if they are talking about someone else (the lucky people!!) However, I did have some good times with my parents. My advice Zed, be thankful for the good in your life....try to filter out the bad....life isn't 100% good??? Feel sorry for yourself????Try to improve your life NOW!!!!