You aren't bad. Your T though sounds very concerned about you and is doing the right thing in consulting with others about you. Try to remember he is doing that to ultimately help you; he isn't doing it to say you are bad.

In the past few years, my impulsivity was a huge problem. I acted before I could think and ended up hospitalized many times for my own safety. I don't regret the hospitalizations. It is a good facility and I needed intensive care during those times. Over time I have learned to access my thinking more efficiently so that I can take healthy measures rather than hurting myself. It took time though, and many, many sessions with my T, and finally getting my medication regulated to get to that point.

You said something about having let your T down. I'm not sure my actions ever let my T down, but I know he was very concerned, sometimes frustrated because he knew the sooner I learned to do this, the better and safer I would be. It was hard to watch me repeatedly self-destruct, I'm sure. But he was always there as my support and guide, and I did get through that period eventually.

Try not to get too down on yourself about this. You goofed. You can't change the past. But continue to work on those skills that may be exactly what you need to get you through the next episode without hurting yourself. Be gentle with yourself.