[quote=treehouse;2043056]Went to therapy. It was everything I hate about therapy and nothing I like about therapy.

Hi Treehouse,

I'm so sorry that you had a cruddy session with your T and for all the disconnection and icky feelings that you left with..

I couldn't help but notice though that you said that you were angry with yourself for the dissociation and for not asking directly for the lower rate and you moved away from him when he sat with you at the end of session. It seems like you really put up the walls this session between you and T. It didn't seem like he helped at all, but I wondered if there were more to it somehow...it was like you were angry with him from the beginning. I know my anger often comes from fear. Did it just tumble from the fear from the dissociation at the beginning and then go on downhill from there?

I don't mean to pick it apart or lessen the fact that it hurt a lot. I hate sessions like that. I had one myself with T on Tuesday. I wish there were a way we could hit the brakes mid session and say....'Wait. Not going right. Stop and start over cause this is about to get UGLY!!' We need a BS or Bad Session button that we can hit like a Panic button. Guess we don't get "do-overs" and that's the whole point, just like life.

But there's always next week...Maybe the stars will align, and you will hold your head at just the right angle, and T will be in a great mood, and all will be right with the world again. I really hope so.
If you need a pocket-rider next week, let me know..

Big gentle huggles!!!

Wysteria Blue