Quote:
Originally Posted by tohelpafriend
Yes, my daughter dropped the news on me out of the blue in 2002 that she was a lesbian, and felt she had been from high school. I think there's much more to the choice in sexual expression than yielding, like the difference in male/female anatomy.
I did alot of research on the subject, and all the experts agree it has much to do with
not being "born that way", but of the mother/daughter bond and identity. The fallout has been her refusal to see me because my beliefs don't allow it; this has all caused pain, loss of her love and time with her and a shattering of the bond between us. Is that a good thing; I don't think so. I've been attracted to women for who they were, but never could imagine sexuality with one. Studies further prove out long term guilt and chronic illnesses, shortened life in male and female homosexual sexual acts. The sadness and loss of seeing her has brought more pain into my life than anything. My love is unconditional for her; but she is the one who has laid down the terms....all my lifestyle or nothing, Mom. Is that love?
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I'm not sure what research you have done on the topic or what "experts" you are referring to, but you are misinformed. Sexual orientation is NOT a choice and it is NOT the result of the "mother/daughter bond and identity." It is also NOT TRUE that being gay or lesbian makes one subject to chronic illnesses or shorter life spans. It is true that there is an a higher rate of suicide among young gay and lesbian people because of the constant harassment, lack of family acceptance, and social stigma they receive-- but that is the result of cultural prejudice; it has nothing to do with simply BEING gay/lesbian. If you are genuinely interested in learning about sexual orientation, I recommend that you read this information from the American Psychological Association (APA).
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx
It is also heartbreaking to hear that you have rejected your daughter because she reached out to you, seeking love and support, in choosing to confide in you about who she is. It is SO DIFFICULT for someone to come out to their family-- it takes a lot of courage. It is often the most difficult thing a gay/lesbian person ever does. I can guarantee you that her sexual orientation and her decision to come out to you were not "out of the blue"-- they are probably things she wrestled with for YEARS before she decided to have that conversation with you. Moreover, in your post, you then blame your daugther for ruining your relationship when you are the one who rejected her because of her sexual orientation. You say that you have been experiencing pain and hurt over this, but have you thought of the pain and hurt SHE is experiencing because of how you reacted? Can you imagine what it is like to be rejected by your own mother, simply for being who you are? There is nothing in the world that hurts more than being rejected by your mother-- by the one person who is supposed to love you, support you and protect you no matter what. I recognize that there are social stigmas around homosexuality which have been created because of misinformation and ignorance, and there are probably a lot of things about sexual orientation and lesbian identity that may be difficult for you to undestand. You probably have pre-conceived notions about homosexuality because of the media, religion, the way you were brought up, etc. But what is at stake here is your relationship with your daugther. What could be more important? I hope that you will choose to educate yourself by reading reliable information on homosexuality (stuff published by the APA, books in the "psychology" section of the library, books by people with PhDs in psychology) and, hopefully, with this information, you can come to better understand and accept who your daughter is. It would break my heart to hear that yet another lesbian daughter is being rejected by her family. There is already so much hurt in the world, it's horrible to think that one's own family would want to add to that.