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Old Sep 29, 2011, 09:21 PM
Anonymous29412
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[QUOTE=Wysteria;2043480]
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse View Post
It seems like you really put up the walls this session between you and T....it was like you were angry with him from the beginning. I know my anger often comes from fear. Did it just tumble from the fear from the dissociation at the beginning and then go on downhill from there?
You know, it did go downhill after the dissociation, actually. I went in with something to show him, and the first part of the session was fine. We started talking about my dog dying and that's when T (or maybe it was me) said something that triggered me. I think after that I was disappointed in myself for not doing a better job, and I was scared that T was disappointed in me.

And I was SO triggered and overwhelmed and it was kind of hard to come all the way back into myself and into the room, and I think I was trying to act more okay than I felt. I think that was a big part of it, looking back.

It all just sucked, now that I think about it.

T left me a message and I think he said I sounded confused and that it would make sense for me to be confused given all the stuff I had going on. In the message, he did give me the reassurance I asked for in session.

I have a history of creating ruptures when things get too scary in therapy, and I try really really hard to look out for that and to NOT do it, so I was really aware of it today. In the end, I think I was confused and disappointed after session, but not really angry. I know that T does love me and that I'm safe there and that we'll move through it.

I think I'm just stressed out.
Thanks for this!
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