[QUOTE=Wysteria;2043480]
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
It seems like you really put up the walls this session between you and T....it was like you were angry with him from the beginning. I know my anger often comes from fear. Did it just tumble from the fear from the dissociation at the beginning and then go on downhill from there?
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You know, it did go downhill after the dissociation, actually. I went in with something to show him, and the first part of the session was fine. We started talking about my dog dying and that's when T (or maybe it was me) said something that triggered me. I think after that I was disappointed in myself for not doing a better job, and I was scared that T was disappointed in me.
And I was SO triggered and overwhelmed and it was kind of hard to come all the way back into myself and into the room, and I think I was trying to act more okay than I felt. I think that was a big part of it, looking back.
It all just sucked, now that I think about it.
T left me a message and I think he said I sounded confused and that it would make sense for me to be confused given all the stuff I had going on. In the message, he did give me the reassurance I asked for in session.
I have a history of creating ruptures when things get too scary in therapy, and I try really really hard to look out for that and to NOT do it, so I was really aware of it today. In the end, I think I was confused and disappointed after session, but not really angry. I know that T does love me and that I'm safe there and that we'll move through it.
I think I'm just stressed out.
