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Personally, I think to some degree, they really just kind of have to want to understand for themselves. I know for me all the 'get over it' and denial was more to reassure myself and try to believe that there was really nothing wrong or there.
But over time, it just wasn't changing. So I pretty much just sat down and did my own research as well as really listen to hers and well... I became more knowledgeable on the subject. While it helped and I feel more empowered and less scared, afraid, trapped, so on, so on - things are still hard sometimes. The feelings of helplessness on my end certainly haven't diminished though. That hardly gets easier. Watching your loved one go through something that seems painful and you'll never fully grasp since you don't go through it yourself is not easy.
Really, understanding is just taking small steps. It will take time and in a way he'll have to be ready to understand. Accepting the fact that its chronic can be incredibly hard.
I know what helps me is when my gf tells me that I /am/ useful and that I do contribute to better times. I'm not sure how new the relationship is, but time helps a ton in these instances. But overall, I really think the key here would be at least emphasizing how he does help, but... This isn't going away fully or anything. He'll have to come to terms with the fact that its chronic and in the end that foundation will make working together easier.
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