*hiding behind tree*

I can't believe I'm actually posting this, or that it's actually happening, but last night I had the most vivid and emotional dream that my best friend and I were like, doing it. Even weirder, I... enjoyed it. A whole lot. She knows me very well in real life, and she would know exactly how to completely torture me emotionally like in my dream. Not to mention the absolutely wonderful thought [/sarcasm] that our fantasies work so absolutely perfectly with each others that it's scary. Like, we both find the same things attractive and what we disagree on compliments each other. In other words, if this happened in real life, I can't be sure I would be able to say no.

I feel sick and jittery at how completely probable this would be IRL.

Now I've nothing against gay people mind you, but I've always been sexually attracted to men and I've never thought about other women in this sense. Actually, she's the only female I can even get along with since I can't stand most other females. Frankly it scares the s*** out of me to have dreams like that. She's my friend, and I love her as such, so this dream was just weird for me. And it's really not even the first time I've thought about it. I mean, a good 90 percent of everything we talk about involves the opposite sex and how much we love the male types and yadda yadda. Seriously, all we talk about are guys, which I assume is normal for teenagers, but whatever. There's been a few moments I've gotten extremely flustered, like that time she grabbed my shoulders (which is for some reason the absolute most sensitive part of me and will put me into that sort of mood quickly) KNOWING that it would make me flustered, and I feel weird sitting close to her, so I sit on a seperate piece of furniture at all times.

Now, the last part is normal I think because I am someone DESPERATE for human contact. I don't get it often and when I do I automatically preceive it as intimate. This is probably due to Asperger's but that's beside the point.

I mean, maybe it's just that I miss her. She's been gone for about a month at college. And.... I do love her as a sister. She's like my big sister who encourages all my insane antics.

I'm really confused and embarassed.

*hides back behind the tree*