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It has been awhile since I have been on this site, or any other site like this for that matter. Yet, I don't know what to do. As Ive mentioned in other (older) posts, I do not see any Dr.s or take any kind of med's for my bipolar, or other disorders I have.
Nothing has changed there, I am still suffering daily without any pro help. I have thought long and hard about going into seeing a counselor, however, I am still against taking any kind, or type of med's prescribed by a Dr. I just don't think that is the whole answer.
The reason I am writing this today is, well, I am lost and I don't know what to do. Dealing with the day in and day out problems with being bipolar and suffering from intense social anxiety I find it very hard to do what needs to be done in my life for a positive change.
Ive worked going on over 19yrs in the bar industry and I'm am very tired of it. I need a change in my life or one of these days I'm afraid loosing this battle that myself has waged on myself.
I don't know, i guess when it comes down to it I need positive change, having positive people who actually care in my life would be nice. I spend an awful large amount of time alone, withdrawn, and isolating due to everything i go through so no one else has to be bothered by it. Yet, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm living on the edge. One day I feel wonderful, spectacular even. The next day I find myself fighting with myself wondering why I am even alive if this is all i have to look forward to. There as to be more to life than this, isn't there? I don't like who I have become, and I want more. This cant be all there is to live for in this life. I push people away from me so they either one, don't have to deal with what I go through due to dealing with their own problems in their life's, or two, I stay single and alone cause the way I can be at times effects others and often hurts them. Why cant I just be normal? I cant even work and hold down a normal job. The current job I have my boss has wanted to fire me many times for quote, "having to deal with my BS" unquote. I often spend hours trying to find answers to this perplexing situation, yet, I am coming up short handed after all these years. Not to mention the desire to try anymore.
If anyone has any suggestions other than going to see a Dr, a counselor, or getting on, or taking meds. By all means, please help me?
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