meme, if it hasn't been said above I would suggest seeking a therapist. SI can lead to accidental serious injury. It leaves scars that make you feel even worse and it is a messy circle that will sink you if you don't find a way out. There is a way out. I started just a little earlier than you did. Unfortunately it appears you as well did not have the most pleasant childhood. I quit when I was 14.5 after being hospitalized. It was the best decision I made when I asked to be put in the hospital. I was there for only 5 days before they kicked me out for insurance reasons but those 5 days helped so much. I stopped SI and I'm 24 now, haven't done it in 10 years. 70 fresh wounds when I checked into the hospital. The scars have finally healed. Only a few are visible now.

You can stop, I know the urge to let that feeling out through SI, but there are healthier ways. It seems like you could really use a therapist to show you the way to better express the emotions that lead you to SI.

I hope you get your answers and some resolve. I hope you can find a way to take control and stop. Asking for help shows you are ready to find a more healthy way to cope! All the best!