cocos, a good rule of thumb re drinking/drugging...if one does it to gain a feeling or get rid of a feeling that person usually is dependent or has a problem.
this concept worked for me. i drank for all the wrong reasons. 
as for you, the saying above can be the best quick tool you can use to evaluate yourself. i wish you well in your endeavors.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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