i always start with a panicky feeling i sometimes even have a hard time breathing and i blush horribly it is totally embarrassing.my T has asked if i feel OK because my face is so red .but now she understands it is me just blushing and panicking .i kind of wish i could feel guilty when i SI or something but i don't because i never tell her and i know she wont ask and i hide it well.i don't think i do anything else to ever feel guilty about.i do feel like i disappoint her a lot