Hi Hankster...

Yeah, unfortunately, been having a lot of these lately. Obviously though I am "cheating" on my T and he is helping me do it with the DBT T and it's weird. Plus I've been crying a lot and dissociating a lot over the last few months and end up just walking out at the end of sessions and thus feel like our previous sessions are always hanging in the air. I hate this and don't know how to deal with it. I tend to get business like and deal with checks and appointments at the beginning so I don't have to do it at the end when I'm upset and not thinking clearly. But lately, there's this odd expectant pause like he's waiting for me to take the lead or fess up or apologize or somehow finish what I left hanging the time before. I really hate it.

Last week I brought in an AGENDA, and he went through it like a dang business meeting. I don't know when we've ever been so DIS-connected. I told him I'd never do THAT again. He wants me to help direct where things are going so he can better control the endings, but I'm truly discouraged. Last Tuesday I free-associated about the loss of someone very dear to me. It was part trauma/part grief and loss and something we had never addressed. It was actually very significant for a number of reasons to what is going on right now. Had I pre-planned a topic, the free-association wouldn't have happened...

Usually I'm struggling so hard just to make to the appt...I just want to BE there. I'm so glad you brought this up, because I don't know what to do with that feelings you're describing or what's going on in therapy. I'll be really interested in what everyone else is saying.

WB