Rainbow, I imagine that the responses in this thread may be very confronting for you, and may even be causing you some distress. I think the feedback is very important for you to take in, though. I hope you are able to find the courage to return here.

Edited to add: Sometimes it is through facing the discomfort, pain and inner turmoil head on that we can find the courage to change old patterns. It can be more tempting to turn away from it and wait for it to die down or go away, but ultimately that doesn't help us create meaningful change. The PAIN is what our behavior patterns protect us from. By facing the pain, and dealing with it, we have the opportunity to heal it and thus remove the need for the behavior that protects us from it.

Sometimes I think we humans feel like we have to find a way to relieve pain as soon as possible, but in doing so we remove the trigger that lets us know something is wrong. Sometimes it is only through facing it, feeling it and examining it that we can heal its source.

Don't run away, Rainbow!