There are feelings and there are behaviors. I think it would make your work with your T go more smoothly if you controlled the behaviors that are causing problems (e.g. boundary crossings, demands for more than she can give, sending the list of what you know about your T to prove she is wrong, etc.), and then when you have those in check, work on the feelings. I know that behaviors are not the whole story, but at least if you stop doing the ones that are causing the problems with your T, then the two of you can focus on working on the feelings through EMDR, IFS, etc.

I think focusing on behaviors first might be a good direction for another reason too--it is "simpler" (although not necessarily easier) because it is not as prone to your analysis, e.g. asking questions like why is this behavior not good? why is T bothered by it? does this mean she doesn't like me anymore? does this behavior mean I missed out on something as a child? etc. Without analyzing and questioning, just focus at first on stopping the behaviors that you and your T agree are impeding therapy and harming your relationship. Later, when you work on the feelings part of this, you can ask all the questions and do more analysis. But keep the behavior part safe from that type of inspection, at least for now.