Start at the core of your pain which sounds like the relationship with your mother. I used to mirror a lot myself. I had such low self esteem. I don't even know why. I didn't think who I was was good enough to be shown. My dad used to say I was only myself when I was on the phone. It only stopped when my mother died and I was so consumed with pain and guilt that it stripped away all my masks. I did not have the energy to pretend any more. I hope it doesn't take such a drastic situation for you to reveal your true self. You know who you are deep down. you just have to believe that it is okay to be yourself. It took me decades to get to where I am. I hope you get there a little faster. Life is so short. Wishing you well Terry