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Oct 02, 2011, 09:35 AM
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Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,275
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Symptoms- Mania
Speed Talking
Feeling Indestructable
Feeling like a Super-Hero
Speed Typing
Won't sleep
Sleep too much
Driven by a motor
Hyper-Sexuality
Talk online to men and become this different person
Won't eat or drink... no time
Cram 1 week of stuff into 1 day
Become hyper beyond my norm
Become Tigger
Drink lots- alcohol
Become extremely talkative
Fidget
Diddle my legs
Pace
Talk to myself
Psychosis
Delusions
Self harm
High anxieties
Paranoia
Refusal of meds
Symptoms-Depression
Won't sleep
Sleep too much
Won't contact people
Won't answer text/phone/door
Won't leave house
Won't wash or shower for days on end
Become a recluse
Self harm
Paranoia
High anxieties
Won't leave bed
Want to die
Suicidal thoughts and ideations
attempt suicide
Contemplate taking extra meds
Refusal of meds
History before diagnosis
Have had Insomnia all my life morre noticable since I was a teenager. Have had Depression since I was 13 years old. Parents wanted me to seek help but I refused. Would hurt myself from the age of 7 and have sever rage/anger issues. No-one else in family has any MH issues. Would be impulsive but nothing major. No-one suspected anything. Kinda all started from 2008 onwards when I started my new job as a Support Worker looking after men who all had MH issues, Challenging Behaviour, Autism and Learning Disabilities. Life was always a rollercoaster as my shifts were unpredictable as was the job. Left the family home in 2009 and moved in with a colleague and this is when I became alive and was allowed to feel free and express how I was feeling. Felt I couldn't in the family home.
Depression- 1st diagnosis
Went to my GP after crying in work over I do not know what. Nothing had happened. I was an emotional wreck. Took a friend with me and was told I was Clinically Depressed. I went back 2 weeks later and was told I was Severely Depressed. Was signed off from work for 1 month. Was on Anti-Depressant and went back to work New Year's Day 2010. Last 2 weeks in work and came off again. From Mid 2009-Jan 2010 I had been in a mixed episode I had become Manic when I was in England at a wedding with my then Boyfriend. I slept with someone else and broke up with my Boyfriend 1 hour after leaving the guy I had sex with. Had an 8 hour journey back to Scotland with the Boyo who I broke up with was not pleasent. Was told by family and friends this was not like me and was out of character for me and that I was a cold hearted *****... oops!! GP took note of that. Then came to a conclusion I needed to see a Psychiatrist after 4 different Anti-Depressants couldn't shift my suicidalness. I had been off work twice and was then back at work. Psych said I was fine which I was back then. 2 months later I was back seeing him after having a near death experience and people were concerned about my welfare.
Bipolar Diagnosis
September 2010 Psychiatrist deemed that I had Bipolar unsure what type so had to go back in a moonth after I completed a questionaire and a mood diary. October 27th 2010 diagnosis Bipolar Type 1. I was devastated although everyone including myself knew I had Bipolar. I have fought against the diagnosis to no avail. I have took the meds, fought against the meds, fought against me. I can't see me getting out of denial for a wee while yet but am working on that. As soon as I told my work my diagnosis they had to know cause I worked with vulnerable people they wanted detailed Psych and GP reports. They put me on special leave 13th January 2011 and I was sacked from work 9th May 2011. They said they could not accomodate me... which is rubbish they could and have done so with other people. I ended up on benefits. Then I got a job working for a Tyre company which I am still awaiting to start but then I had to go for a medical for the benefits company. They deemed me unfit to work as I have been delusional for over a month. Dilemma.... what do I do?
Life with diagnosis
I have to decide what to do go work 24 hour contract at the Tyre company or try and get better? I also need to tell my family why the benefits doctor deemed me unfit to work. They don't know anything as I find it very hard to talk to my family. I live 2 lives 24/7. I have great friends. I found out the hard way who my friends really were when I became ill. I have 4 amazing friends who have stood by me thick and thin. I have 4 great Support Workers I see regularly. I play Badminton on a Monday, Swimming on a Tuesday and Tai Chi on a Thursday. I also see 1 of the 4 Support Worker's once a week too for 1:1 support. I am in the process of learning coping techniques and boosting my confidence and self esteem as I have none. Fighting these demons is bloody hard work and sometimes I wish I wasn't here as it is too hard. But I am glad I am stilll alive and kicking and have people around me. If it wasn't for PC, my Support Workers and my Family/Friends I would be hospitalised. I see my GP monthly, Psychiatrist every 6 weeks and I see my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) every month too. The only down side to my Manic side is I get threatened with beingsectioned under the mental health act quite a bit. I can not see the dangers quite a lot. But thankfully I have managed to skip the hospital. Sometimes you wish you could just go in for a week recharge your batteries and then on road again. But I know I wouldn't like it. Plus I don't think my parents would be thrilled lol!!
Wow!! just saw how long mines is I do apologise. I think this is a great thread!!!
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