HI thanks you guys you're all so nice to me. I'm really scared of giving all of you the wrong idea. You seem to think i'm a really nice person, and i'm not really, i'm okay, but i am not anything above average! Maybe its because i take time to think about what i'm writing, if you were talking to me you'd probably get a surprise!
I'm not sure what you mean by third person. But i suppose i talk about there being two parts of me, me and......me (but the horrible side) because i'm so confused about everything. About how i feel about things, about how i can change emotions so easily depending upon the person and the situation, i don't think i really know who and what i am. I guess, i don't know, mmm....maybe its because i've always been told what i am, logical, practical, geeky, individual, different. But although all these things are true, i'm unsure if its me. Maybe i've pretended to be all these things to make others happy. But that's silly because i am all these things that people describe me as. I feel as if there is a real me, that is hidden in there and then all these other layers of me, depending on who i'm talking to etc. But then i know thats common as well, to adjust personalities to different situations, so.....i'm clueless to tell you the truth!
I think this weight i carry around is the reserved side of me. I'm not loud or anything like that but then on the other hand at times i am very confident and my friends always say how sure i am of everything. I'm not sure though, maybe i'm scared of revealing myself (which self i'm unsure too!), i'd love to let everything go but ever since i can remember i've never been actually able to do that, be out of control. I'm 18, but i'm not 18. I always thought i didn't do crazy things because i was a girly girl, but i'm not particually now.
So basically after all this psycho analysis (what did i say before!) i haven't got a clue why i feel like this. If you have any ideas, i welcome them with open arms.
Love Abby