Hi Rainbow

I've had to work through a few addictions, both chemical and behavioral, and what I've learned is that as I experience success, I find out I CAN do it, and it helps me be successful again.

So, for example, maybe I want to give up SI. The big feelings come that make me want to SI, but I have committed to not doing it. It's really, really, really hard. I might have a list of other things in place that I can try...focus on my breathing, light a candle, go outside and look at the sky, call a friend, write down my feelings with crayons on paper and let myself use any words I want, go for a walk, etc. etc. etc. Eventually, the urge to do it goes away, and I get to feel like "I MADE it through the feeling!" and it feels good. And then maybe the feeling comes back an hour later. Maybe it's harder this time, and I just lay on the bed and feel it and wait for it to pass. I might pound my fists on the bed, because it's frustrating to have such big feelings and not know what to do with them. And eventually, the feeling will pass again. And eventually, it will come back.

It's SUPER HARD. It's no fun. It feels impossible. It hurts. AND the more I do it, the more I know I CAN do it, and knowing I CAN do it makes it just a little bit easier over time.

I don't SI anymore, but this example is how it's gone for me while I've worked through a ton of different bad coping skills. It's not easy but it really can be done.

Do you think it would help to come up with things you could do instead of look for T online or e-mail or whatever? Sometimes if I think of it as "I'm going to do this INSTEAD" instead of "I'm NOT going to do X", it's a little easier.

Thinking of you