E-mails do work well for me and my T...but it's taken a while and some work to get to a point where we're both comfortable with our system. I can e-mail him whenever I want, and if I want a reply, I have to ask for one. Years ago, when we started e-mailing, I would get anxious about his reply, worried about his wording, scared if it took too long for him to get back to me...and we did talk about it...and in the end, I had to learn to accept what he was available to give me, which is a lot, really. He used to send one or two sentence responses, and now he tends to write quite a bit more.

For us, it was a matter of building up trust. I had to trust that his response/lack of response didn't reflect his caring for me...it reflected the time he had available, the energy he had, etc. His caring for me stays the same. He had to trust that I was going to be able to handle the limitations of that kind of communication, and not freak out or read too much into what he wrote (or didn't write).

For us, it's very comfortable. I know I can write, and he will take the time to read whatever I write (which I really appreciate. he remembers all of the details of my e-mails when I see him, usually more than I do.). I know he will write back if I ask, always..at least eventually. They are no more or less than they are...I don't expect that they change our relationship into a friendship, we both understand the boundaries and respect them, and it's a good, safe way to connect between appointments, when I need to.

That is how e-mail works for me. I don't know about you or anybody else, but wrote it out in case it's helpful to read someone else's experience.

I may be wrong, but it seems that maybe your e-mails with T create more stress/chaos than reassurance? Only you know, really.