(((((Avoice))))),

You need to step back & look at your situation logically instead of just with your emotions. Easier said than done, I know.....but it's something that has to be done if you are going to stay in control.

Your family unfortunately sounds a bit normal especially when kids are involved with the bickering about food & what they want & don't want & you didn't get the food that I wanted to eat.....blah, blah, blah......but that's what you need to do is just make their words turn into nothing but blah, blah, blah, blah.......& not hear what they are bickering about because it wouldn't matter what you got, that bickering is what you would get.

Why let something like that control your life to the extent you are talking about allowing it to do?

Think about it logically.....your "doing everything", "not self harming", "eating", "being nice", has absolutely NOTHING to do with no one being happy & bickering about all the food you bought at Sam's. That not being happy & bickering wasn't aimed at you it was aimed at their attitude about the shopping trip.

Maybe next time tell them that since they couldn't be better at Sam's club & weren't happy & bickered about everything that NEXT TIME YOU WILL LEAVE THEM HOME & they won't have any say in what you bring home & that will continue until they can "GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER".

That way you can shop in peace & not have to deal with the triggers & buttons they are pushing.....because it's NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED while trying to control your anorexia. Sometimes we need to take control of our environment the best we can in order to protect ourselves from situations like this.

I understand how upsetting family can be the way they reacted to you & the shopping & how much you can turn against the food rather than aiming at the kids who really should be getting your wrath in this situation for their behavior. They need to learn how inconsiderate & unappreciative their behavior is & how wrong their behavior is...put your energy into using this as a learning experience for your kids rather than harming yourself by taking it out on the food.

Hope you are able to work through this in a healthy way.