Dear Vanessa,

I don't think in any way that your T is going to send you packing because of your sui thoughts. I think it is vitally important that you talk to him and make sure that ya'll come up with a plan for when these thoughts get out of hand like they have been over last 2 weeks. Also a list of specific activities that might help you to redirect your thoughts and distract would be great. I know ya'll talked about exercise, but there are so many other things that might help as well, and I think the advice you got about taking it in baby-steps was great. To be honest though, I'm not sure reading a bunch of books about depression and SUI thoughts and behaviours was probably top of the list of things I would have done. I'm so glad you also have friends and family close by that are ready and willing to help out and want to be there for you. I personally believe the best way out is through love and connections to others. I too struggle mightly with depression and these thoughts and my heart is with you.

I'm so glad that you were reaching out to people for support and trying to make connections here as well. You did great and were so open to people's suggestions. But your T definitely needs to be in the loop and ready to help out as well. I think asking him for twice weekly visits is very appropriate until you get back on your feet. I would hope he would be open to that as well and have the availability. I understand you will be seeing your pdoc as well. I hope that he will also have some other suggestions for you. I'm on the EMSAM as well, and I know it is a little harder since almost nothing goes with it. But there are definitely things that he can do.

My advice is ALWAYS to be very frank and honest with your T and pdoc and even take in mood journals, journals, poems, or anything else to perfectly express yourself to your support team. They can't really help you properly if you aren't honest and clear with them. They have definitely heard it all before and will help you get through this.

Warm hugs and lots of support through the next few days as you meet with them...stay in touch and let us know how you do...

Wysteria Blue