Squiggle: I'm sorry you're getting triggered by my thread. You are not me! Please believe your T when she says emails are okay and are good for you. Okay?
scorpiosis: are you my twin?
Thank you for making me not feel so alone!!
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It would start of innocently enough but, after awhile, I would start writing her longer and more frequent e-mails and I would start hitting "refresh" in my inbox to see if T had responded, and when I got a short, standard response, I would feel as though my T didn't care enough about all of the important, sensitive information I shared with her. I would then respond-- not by backing off like perhaps I should-- but by writing her even more personal and even more intense e-mails in order to try to elicit a bigger response. It would be a disaster. So, for me, I know that I can never start e-mailing with T because there is no possibility that it could end well. It's something I have to accept.
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Exactly what happened to me! Emailing my T was a dream come true. Unfortunately, it's turned into a BAD dream for me.
Thank you for posting all the details. It is SO hard for me to sit with my feelings after a session. I did try in the past to write and put my emails in my "waiting to be sent" file. I'll have to try that again. I am tearing up thinking about it though. I get panicky and sad. Can I PM you when I feel the urge to email my T? Maybe that will help. I know it's part of wanting someone to be there for me all of the time, and giving me all the attention I crave.
vaffla: My T's emails have sometimes made me feel loved and cared about, and sometimes made me feel disappointed and frustrated. That's the problem. I don't have those ups and downs now that she doesn't answer me at all. So, maybe not emailing her will have the same effect on me.
MELISSA: Thank you for your practical advice. I thought emails were benefitting me but apparently the cons outweigh the pros now.
Dr. Muffin:
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is that you seem to be doing it as a way to avoid dealing with your own anxiety. there are two problems with that: (1) it doesnt give you an opportunity to be with your feelings, to feel them and think about them and understand them, and (2) it doesnt work! it only leads to more anxiety and then you're calling up your therapist desperate for reassurance.
You're right. I feel more anxious when I email my T. Instead, I should do my meditation that my t recommends for when I'm upset and anxious. My feelings rule me at those times and I obsess about them, though. So my T originally thought emailing would help me unload, as she put it. I can still do that, but not send them to her.
skysblue: I think you're right. My T is getting too enmeshed in my life. That's my pattern but I have to stop it. You don't know how painful that is, though.
earthmamma: As they say, different strokes for different folks. I'm glad emailing works for you.
sunrise: thank you again! Yes, in my case it's better to give up emailing totally. Maybe I could handle it in the future, but I can't now. I will have a test coming up. I'm going away for a few weeks and I already asked my T if she could email me back, only during that time. It may be 3 weeks or even 4! Maybe I should just try to manage with no contact at all, but that scares me because it's such a long time!
granite: I thought I would stop the thread but found I'm not triggered and I'm getting helpful responses, not criticism. Thanks! I also liked emailing because I knew my T was thinking of me, at least while she was reading them. Notice I am writing in past tense. I am going to TRY very hard to give up emailing.
elliemay: I sort of know what the emailing and looking up my T is all about, but not precisely. I've said it's about wanting love and attention. Most behaviors are about that, I think. Also anxiety. I'll have to think about it more. Thank you.
Thank you, everyone. I don't know why my threads are elliciting so much attention (I like that but at the same time I'm embarrassed) but I appreciate this forum so very much. You people are incredible!! I owe it to myself and to all of you to try to change. 
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