**Don't read if you are sui or sensitive to blood.**


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Having disturbing dreams I usually can't wake from. They're just awful. Can't even tell you the details.

Depressed during the day and not always about the dreams. Having visions of cutting my throat or stabbing myself through the arm out the other side with my pen. See myself dying most of the day. Trying to stay busy. I think I'm in a mixed episode. I have contacted my MH team. They are putting off helping me. I started asking for help last Wednesday. They say, "The doctor will be in on Tuesday and we'll discuss your meds with her then." Or, "I have no openings until next Wednesday for a therapy session." And, "There's always the ER."

It's totally frustrating! I feel terrible and I have to go to work today. I don't want to wind up in the hospital. I'm not going to harm myself, it's just these thoughts and dreams are driving me mad and making me afraid to sleep.

Someone please help! I need some support. Does anyone know what this is like? Hugs are welcome.