Dear peaceweb602,

I hope you will take the advice repeated often here to seek professional psychiatric advice. Being "found out" on the scale of sanity is not (I speak from my own experience) the worst thing that can happen to a person by a long shot.

I was 63 when a hospital stay during a depressive dive resulted in a surprising diagnosis of Bi-Polar II by a pdoc on the hospital staff. All my old docs started looking at me with new eyes. They decided I wasn't severely B-P () but I got new meds, some switch-outs, & now a couple years later I'm pretty content with the dx & the meds. I'm actually more in control than I've been most of the time. Not a single horrendous depressive episode, not one, in these 2 yrs. A few manic episodes, none severe or long.

So peaceweb602, maybe you never were bipolar, maybe it's something else, maybe there's a med that would give you whatever nature shorted you on (if nature did). As long as you find a pdoc & an mdoc & a tdoc all of whom you trust, you really do have a lot to gain by finding out.