I am new at this was diagnosed about a month and a half ago. Looong story went into a psychosis and was put in the hospital twice.

I have been out and am seeing a t doc and p doc. Last week I was messing with my meds (I know I shouldn't have) and increasing my Seroquel to try and get sleep. Then I increased my Topomax, any way it was stupid.

I took my self off Risperdal I was all over the plc. Well I went back on Risperdal and had a mtg last thurs with my sister, tdoc, pdoc.

Here is my point I go through periods where I don't trust any of them. The pdoc said she sees some psychosis in there but its not ugly. She raised the risperdal .5 mg. I live in fear or depression most of the time UNLESS I take an Lorazapam. I don't want to have to rely on those that is just masking everything. I feel I should be on an antidepressant but I was just in a mania so I understand why she doesn't want to do that bt my Serotonin feels depleted. Sometimes I feel life is completely over with this diagnosis and the only time I feel ok is with a benzo come on that is not how I want to live. I am just so scared anybody else go through this lack of trust and fear similar to what I am saying?

And I won't mess with meds again I will just call right away if they aren't working how they are supposed to.