I used to have loads of frinds.....LOADS, of CLOSE friends.
I am a great friend. I listen and give advice, i am funny, honest, loyal.....i know i am a great friend.....
But 2 years ago i had the biggest betrayel by my friends. i wont go into it but it was bad......i dont express my full feelings anymore- i don't tell 100 percent whats wrong, because now i have trust issues i guess...
but i am still a great friend.
i cant have freidns over because my mother is ill
My depression has left me being unsocial- well, i still talk and laugh and chill with them like normal, but i dont go to social events as much anymore- i dont enjoy them.
I try and try, i try so hard to keep friends, i think i cant because of them not being able to come over, because i dont go out and party and stuff....and heck, prabaly also bacuase i have trust issues now.
But i still try and tell myself, you are a great friend, you are doing the best you can......
but i figured out today, the couple friends i do have, dont value me as much as i do them. they have closer, more important friends than me.
i have no one.
except for my mom and dad.
its so hard, becausei have so much to give, and i dont do anything to make them hate me, or not like me, i try my best- and i AM a great friend.......but i just can't keep friends.
I know i have been saying i am a great friend.....but obviously the problem is me.....i am nothing. i am not important enough to remember to text, i am not important enough to remember not interrupt me, and i am not important enough to be friends with.
i am alone.
and i hate it.....
i wish i had a best friend- like on the sisterhood of the traveling pants!!
but nonetheless......i am not important.
so for the rant....but i just had to get it out....becausei am suffocating in this endliss friendship cycle, and i cant take losing another so called friend......
please, advice....help!
<------ thats what i want....





Oh yeah!!! i forgot, in my relationships i was totally (now i have learned) selfless. i never did anyting for me, only for my freidns. but i have also learned thati it is ok to do stuff for yourslef......but is it wrong to want somone to be that way for me??