Well.....I spoke with him today. He said that my application package was stronger but that the other student has a publication on me. That was the sole reason. He told me he was actually surprised I didn't win and doesn't understand committee selections sometimes.

He also told me that I'm doing everything right and to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm not doing anything WRONG - I just need to put my work out there.

So tomorrow I'm going to bring him summaries of everything I have worked on and am going to work on (as well as a presentation I'm giving in a couple weeks) and he will go through it and help me decide what stuff is publishable.

I told him I have held off on sending him what I've written bc another girl in our lab is in the process of editing her thesis and finishing up and I didn't want to take away attention that should be given to her. He told me not to worry about that and to come to him whenever I have something. I have been stepping out of the way letting others get their stuff out and I guess he wants me to come to him more with ideas.

He told me that people getting pushed through happens everywhere some of the time and that most of them end up dropping out, getting kicked out or going on to do nothing. I am still deciding whether I can honestly work in academia knowing that students I think are worthless are getting pushed through the system to keep numbers up...

Thanks to all for your support!!! I feel so much better!!!!