I'm sorry things are so tough for you in therapy, Granite. I do know that I often get in that place where I have so much I want to say but I'm unable to articulate it because my head is in a whirlwind of a storm. I know that for myself, I often want to quit therapy when I feel as though my therapist wasn't able to help me "solve things" or make them less painful and unbearable. But one of the things I'm beginning to learn is that just sitting in the company of another when I'm in pain and stress can be soothing or comforting. I think that many of us who have been abused or traumatized in life often come to believe that attachment and relationships are about getting relief or release from our stress and pain, that if someone is truly "there" for us, they will bring us comfort and serenity. . . . but in reality, most people are really and truly alone with their pain and stress and it is only the quiet company and empathy of their therapist or solid companions that bring any degree of comfort. I have begun to recognize that the relief and/or release I seek is really right there in the room with me--my therapist sitting me quietly and calmly while my head reels and spins out of control. She can be my rock without solving things or making it all go away. She can contain and support me while I seek my own solutions.

But most importantly, I need to work toward learning how to take in the comfort and care that my therapist offers, even when it doesn't lead to her healing me or making the pain go away. And you know what? Some times that really really ticks me off, but quitting isn't going to get me where I want to go--a healthier place . . . a place where I'm able to stand up for myself and confidently deal with my own problems. I have to stick with the process and learn that I am the only one that holds the key. I know that might not sit too well right now when you're hurting so much but I really think it's the way out of this soul searing pain.